It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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