I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
