Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
