Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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