i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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