I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
