One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
