By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i now understand why vodka
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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