I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
