hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
