I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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