My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
