Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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