just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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