Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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