me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
