Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
