She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
