So drunk, too bad you don't want this
nutella sex= disaster
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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