Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
