I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
