just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
