i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
