THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
