I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
