I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it was like his penis was on wheels.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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