What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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