We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
