If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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