I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
