...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Randomize
