went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
