Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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