We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
