He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
