Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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