It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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