theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
