sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
