I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
