Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
