I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
