Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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