I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
