That's when you crack a 10am beer
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
