What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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