Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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