Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
