ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
