first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
