I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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