He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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