im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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