I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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