I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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