I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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