Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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