Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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