There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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