I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
