Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
