She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
