I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
