Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
