Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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