My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
