Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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