I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
