sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My penis needs a shock collar
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
